And I Will Try To Fix You
by KittyKat06
Summary: Laura discovered the truth and she, Mac, Felicia and Robert rescued Kevin on Christmas, but that is only where their story begins. Laura has to heal, Kevin has to deal with the ramifications of his actions and together they have to contend with the carnage and the legacies Ryan Chamberlain left behind.
1. Prologue

**Christmas 2018**

Laura was tired. Being a full-time parent these days to Spencer had a lot to do with it - she hadn't quite realized until she was alone with Spencer in France how much she had come to rely on Kevin to be co-parent - but it wasn't only Spencer being home for Christmas break. She was physically and emotionally and mentally so tired.

The two of them spent last night with Lulu, Rocco and Charlotte and Christmas morning with Elizabeth and the boys and Franco but even surrounded by her grandchildren she felt alone. Especially considering Christmas was also supposed to be her first anniversary.

Which Kevin was spending with Ava Jerome. And she knew that because when Kevin called her two days ago with more demands that they start the divorce proceedings she heard Ava in the background crooning for Kevin to come back to bed, that they would have Avery in the morning and could spend their first Christmas together as a family. Spencer had been the one to unplug the answering machine from the wall as soon as he'd seen the look on his grandmother's face and hadn't said a word when she'd gone straight to her bedroom and shut the door or when even through the closed door he'd heard her crying. But Kevin hadn't called since and Ava had kept her distance. She had her suspicions that Spencer had said something to one or both of them and she wasn't going to ask what. Sometimes with that boy it was better not to know.

It was a dull ache in her heart, all the time, when she thought of Kevin and how her marriage had fallen apart so spectacularly. But Spencer was her priority and he was losing another parental figure for no fault of his own. She needed to help him through this and in time, maybe she could heal herself.

She wasn't counting on it anytime soon, though.

Her faithful-to-a-fault husband was spending Christmas with his mistress and hadn't called Spencer or any of the other grandchildren to even say hello, no amount of presents and good food and wine could fix that.

Even the word mistress in relation to Kevin sounded funny when she'd said it out loud to Mac and Felicia. The man she knew, the man she had fallen in love with and gone to bed with on their first date, the one that had been so conscientious about making sure she hadn't regretted moving so fast, that man had been so affected by Lucy's betrayal and the end of his marriage that she knew he would never cheat. Lucy herself had attested to the same thing when Laura has asked her. But yet he was and had been for months, with the woman that betrayed her murdered son's memory by recanting her statement against Valentin Cassadine. None of Kevin's behavior lately made sense.

Sometimes, when she was alone in their bed at night, she wondered if he was okay and wished she'd made it a condition of the divorce that he meet with a mental health professional. She worried something terrible happened in his life or in his work that had pushed him to the edge of a breakdown and whatever it was it was so bad that he hadn't wanted to tell her about it and even that him pushing her away so completely was a misguided attempt to protect her. Carly and Lulu told her she was lying to herself and making it harder for herself to let go of the Kevin she remembered, the one that loved her. Something bad happening might explain why Kevin had been so cold that night on the docks when he told her he wanted a separation and there was nothing worth trying to save in their relationship, it might have even explained why he had walked away from her when she'd cried, but it didn't explain Ava. Dammit, Laura thought to herself, if only she'd been a better wife and made him talk to her it might not have come to this. They were a team. Hadn't she told him the morning after they made love for the first time how his steady and calming presence in her life had been the only thing that made losing Nikolas the way she had bearable? Kevin had been her emotional support, her constant, for the past two-and-a-half years, he deserved for her to be that same support for him, even for only just once. Whatever he was going through they could have worked it out together.

Laura opened the glove compartment to her car to hopefully find some extra tissues and instead what tumbled out were two moderately-packed envelopes and an assortment of papers. She laughed. It was clear she needed to clean out her car, she didn't know what most of this was. Kevin teased her about the junk drawer in her car and that she'd never be able to find anything when she really needed it. Like tissues. But what made her stop, look, and immediately put the car back into park in Elizabeth's driveway, was a blue post-it note stuck to the bigger of the envelopes. Her name in Kevin's handwriting and underneath her name there was a note for her to take all these papers to Mac and Robert right away as soon as she found them, that Mac would help her understand. That Kevin wished he would have had the courage to tell either of them (especially her) in person about the contents of these envelopes but he was scared. Not for himself, but for her, and Spencer and Lulu, and Mac and Felicia and Maxie and for all of Port Charles.

She ignored the warning voice in her head that called her a fool for not immediately calling Mac or Robert and opened the first envelope. Inside were medical reports, papers on studies that Kevin must have read because certain parts were highlighted, some papers that listed various psychiatric drugs, a few other papers she didn't understand, but all of them bore the name and symbol of the Ferncliff Institute For The Criminally Insane and on every page Dr. Kevin Collins was listed as the physician on record and Wilson Ritter the patient. In Kevin's distinctive scrawl Ryan Chamberlain was written underneath Patient Name and Wilson Ritter crossed out.

It was a moment or two before Laura remembered to breathe again. Ryan Chamberlain had been dead for the last twenty-five years. Kevin barely talked about him. It was the one topic between them that was off-limits. But if Kevin's secret stash of paperwork meant what she thought it meant and Ryan Chamberlain had somehow survived the fire at the funhouse and was under Kevin's care at Ferncliff there were so many questions that needed to be answered. People that needed to be notified, most important being the police and Mac and Felicia.

She reached for the second envelope with shaking hands and that produced even more bombshell information. Namely a chain of email correspondence between Kevin and a permanent staff member at Ferncliff. Dr. Peterson was evidently the only staff member besides Mary Pat Ingles that he trusted with the knowledge of Ryan's true identity. In the emails back and forth Kevin grew more and more frightened of what would happen if Ryan ever got out and he and this doctor had decided to go to the police together. He no longer wanted to be responsible for harboring a fugitive.

She recognized that name, the woman Kevin had been emailing. Jamie Peterson, a doctor at the Ferncliff institute, had been found dead at the bottom of a cliff in early September, with traces of a controlled substance in her bloodstream. She hadn't been connected to the other murders because her driver's license was secure in her wallet when they found her body but Laura had always been very good at math and it didn't take long for her to add two and two together and get four.

Dr. Peterson and Mary Pat had been murdered because of what they knew. She couldn't fit Kiki's death into it all but that didn't matter right now. She needed to call Mac and tell him that it wasn't his best friend that was acting so strangely and out of character because she knew, she knew it for certain now as sure as she knew her name, that the man in Port Charles that was spending Christmas with Ava Jerome wasn't Kevin. He was Ryan Chamberlain.

Mac's phone went right to voicemail. She sped out of Elizabeth's driveway and took the back roads to Mac and Felicia's house, calling everyone else she could think of in the meantime. Elizabeth. Lulu. Sonny and Carly who had picked Spencer up half an hour ago to take him for the afternoon and evening. Lucy and Scott. Even Julian to keep watch over Ava, despite her feelings for the woman that slept with who she believed was "Kevin." But her first phone calls were to Robert and Anna and Dante. Kevin trusted them most of all as far as detectives went and she owed it to Kevin to get the best people to him as soon as possible and to apprehend Ryan before he was allowed to hurt one more person.

She never saw the brake lining fluid that stained Elizabeth's concrete, or the car down the street that followed her as she drove away.

Laura was three-quarters of the way to Mac and Felicia's house when she realized she was going too fast. And there was a swerve coming up in the road. The speedometer stayed at the same speed even as she tapped the brakes. She pressed the brakes again, harder, more desperately. Nothing happened. The curve in the road that led her to Mac and Felicia's house was coming up closer and closer and nothing Laura tried made any difference at all. She grabbed her phone to call Mac and had scarcely hung up the phone when at the very last moment before she would have careened off-road and crashed a car screeched to a halt in front of her and stopped, saving her from almost-certain death. Her heartbeat thudded fast in her chest. The car that saved her was a car she recognized immediately.

Kevin's car.

But she knew, she knew the man inside the car that looked so much like her husband wasn't Kevin.

Not that she had much time to think about it before Ryan Chamberlain struck her hard across the face and half-dragged her at gunpoint from the car. His face contorted with rage, his eyes glittering with everything evil in the world, and she cursed herself for ever, ever believing this man could have been her sweet husband. And all at once she remembered how the last time Kevin was in France with her he made it a point to tease her again about the mess in her glove compartment. He had been trying to warn her the only way he could think of, trying to give her a clue. She had missed it but she wasn't going to fail him now, not this time, not when his life and the lives of so many others depended on it. The force Ryan used to yank her from the car propelled her so far forward she struggled to keep her balance but she stayed on her feet. His arm went around her throat. "Sweet sister-in-law, you couldn't just let this go, could you?"

"Trying to save my marriage to a husband that loved me?"

His eyes narrowed and the cold metal of a gun touched her cheek and trailed down her collarbone. "Don't ever insult my intelligence and pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. The first thing I did when I moved into Kevin's house was make a copy of every key he had and then I put a tracer on your phone. I know every text message and phone call you make. So I know you've been meeting Mac, Felicia and Lucy every week. Pretend I don't know why and you tell me."

Laura flinched. She knew Ryan had every intention of killing her, but that didn't mean she had to make this easy for him. Lulu had Rocco and Charlotte, she shouldn't be obligated to take on Spencer if anything happened to her. "No one will believe Kevin would shoot me," she whispered. "You won't get away with this."

Ryan seemed to think about it, but shrugged. His smiled at her, but it was an evil, predatory smile. "I have so far. It's been four months. And no one knows who I am."

Laura fought back despite her realization that Ryan was right. "I know who you are. Mac, Robert, and the police know who you are." Whether or not that was true at that particular moment didn't matter. "We're going to find Kevin and it's over for you whether or not you kill me. It's over, Ryan."

He shrugged again. "I cut your brake lines to get you out here and I cut Mac's just in case he went looking for Kevin before he came to rescue you. Call it a two-for-one special."

"Call it attempted murder instead." Another voice came from a distance a few feet away and Laura could have sobbed in relief. Felicia stood facing both of them, the gun in her hand trained directly at the space between Ryan's eyes. "Cameron noticed the brake fluid where your car was and Elizabeth called Dante. Dante called Mac and we took an educated guess that you'd be coming out here when Mac got your call," she explained to Laura never taking her eyes off of Ryan. She gave Laura a small smile of reassurance. "Mac's backing me up and Robert and Dante have everyone's safety under control. Sonny assured us that Spencer will be fine." Felicia turned her attention to Ryan. "Even Mac knew better than to argue with me about me getting to be the one to shoot you. I caught you in the middle of trying to murder your brother's wife so it would even be self-defense if I killed you. I won't even go to jail."

Ryan stared at Felicia in shock, not quite believing she was there in front of him holding a gun, and it was as if Laura could literally see his twisted obsession coming back to life. He took hesitant steps forward to meet her and held out his hand to Felicia. "You're just as pretty as I remember," he murmured to himself in almost quiet awe.

It was the opening Laura needed. Felicia tossed Laura her own car keys and in one motion Laura plunged the sharpest pieces of metal into Ryan's stomach.

Ryan twisted backwards and yelled a scream that was more surprise than of pain, interspersed with a multitude of curse words, but they knew it was the only opportunity they were going to get. Felicia reached for Laura's hand and the two of them ran as fast as they could, doing their best to shield each other from the rapid-fire bullets shooting past their heads. There wasn't time for Laura to ask Felicia how she and Mac had gotten there from their house if Ryan had tampered with Mac's car or where Mac was and why wasn't he coming when he heard the shooting. For Felicia's sake she prayed Mac was safe. But Ryan was running after them and more bullets were flying. One bullet only just missed Felicia's head and one exploded the side window of Laura's car but they kept running. And once they got to the relative safety of the PCPD cruiser - it crossed her mind to ask how Mac had gotten permission to take this car considering he wasn't on the force anymore but she wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth at a time like this - Felicia took control and went for the driver's seat. Every neuron in her body screamed for her to take a minute and look for her husband but Mac would never forgive her if she stayed behind on his account for even a few more seconds and put herself and Laura in more danger. They had to go. She had to trust him.

Laura didn't dare look back to see where Ryan was. She immediately turned on the flashing lights and they went in the direction of Ferncliff. They had been so unbelievably wrong all along, all of them had. Kevin wasn't having a breakdown or a midlife crisis or having an out-of-character affair with Ava Jerome. His emotional and psychiatric state was not and never had been in question, not Kevin's. It was evident now, however, that his life was.

If he was still there. If he was alive.

Felicia squeezed Laura's hand. "We'll find him and we'll get him well again." The car was silent, save for the occasional sniffle from Laura, until Felicia gasped. "Maxie borrowed Mac's car and she has James with her!"

Laura took Felicia's phone and called Dante to tell him to get to Maxie now, the car she was driving they had reason to believe had been tampered with, and was about to hang up when an incoming call from Mac came through. She spoke to Mac for a few moments and her face soon lost all color as the phone dropped to the floorboard and she told Felicia to do whatever she had to do to drive faster and get to Ferncliff now. The emotion of the past hour took over and tears fell unchecked down her cheeks.

"Mac took a bullet in the leg but he said to tell you not to worry, he's fine. He and Robert will meet us at Ferncliff." Felicia's eyes were full of frantic shock and Laura took no pleasure in the fact that there was something else, something even more unsettling. "Ryan took off after he shot Mac and Mac tried to keep up but he got away. But - Mac found Kevin's driver's license in a pile of dirt next to my car, right underneath the window that exploded."

"He's going to Ferncliff to kill him." Felicia immediately filled in the blanks of what Laura hadn't said. Laura nodded, the tears falling faster now. Felicia squeezed Laura's hand again. "Mac, Robert and I will be there. Laura, you don't -"

"Like hell I won't be there," Laura snapped with the strongest defiance she could conjure up at the moment. "Kevin's my husband. He needs me. End of discussion." Felicia overheard the last part even though Laura said it quietly. "I'd take on Ryan a million times if it meant Kevin and everyone I love would be safe."

Felicia chose not to go against the determination in Laura's expression only because she knew she'd do and say the exact same things if it was Mac stuck in Ferncliff awaiting a final showdown with his murderous brother. Not that Robert was murderous, but the sentiment was the same. Felicia put both of her hands back on the wheel, Laura's fingers absently traced her engagement and wedding ring and they didn't speak for the rest of the ride to Ferncliff, each of them privately terrified about what exactly they would find when they got there.

It was only when Ferncliff came into view that Laura realized she'd been holding her breath. She didn't see Ryan but they knew that didn't mean he wasn't there. She didn't see Mac or Robert either.

_Please, please let Kevin be okay!_


	2. Chapter One

Kevin was rescued on Christmas but it was closing in on a few hours until the ball dropped on New Year's Eve and he hadn't woken up.

Laura and Felicia had arrived at Ferncliff only minutes before Mac and Robert. Felicia went to Mac's side as soon as she saw him and Laura noticed in dismay how the shirt he had used as a makeshift tourniquet did little to stop the blood oozing from his leg, but he was still there because he was determined to be there for Kevin. As soon as they found Kevin and got him to the safety of the hospital they would get help for Mac. Mac and Maxie and Felicia and so many others Ryan had hurt and had the potential to hurt, if he wasn't caught.

She remembered them running into Ferncliff, the four of them together. She remembered screaming a scream she wasn't even sure had come from her until she felt Felicia's arms around her, holding her together as much as the other woman could, when they saw Ryan in Kevin's room standing over an un-moving body on a bed, syringe in Ryan's hand and an already pooling circle of blood at Kevin's temple. She remembered how Mac, despite the bullet wound that pained him each time he moved, had rushed Ryan and knocked him to the floor and the chilled look in Ryan's gaze as he held up the empty syringe. She remembered the relieved expression on Robert's face when he put his fingers to Kevin's neck and reported that he found a very faint pulse. She remembered the pandemonium when Ferncliff staff reached them, when Mac and Robert together carried Kevin out of that horrible room. She remembered Felicia's whispered voice in her ear telling her they would worry about Ferncliff later, Mac and Robert and Anna and Dante would work to get it shut down, but first they had to keep Kevin alive and keep Ryan off the streets.

But it had been too late. Ryan claimed another victim before disappearing into the underworld of Port Charles and at the moment no one could find him. The only solace the police department had for Drew Cain and Kim Nero is that their son had died a hero protecting Maxie Jones-West and her infant son from Ryan Chamberlain.

Kevin hovered closer to the death side of life and death and Laura rarely left his side. She and Mac were angry at him for not telling them about Ryan - when Maxie told Mac the story of how Oscar had died to protect her and what he had protected her from Mac stayed away from the hospital for three days because he couldn't look at Kevin - but right now that didn't matter. Kevin was sick, very sick, and until Ryan was caught everyone knew he was the most in danger of them all.

There was police presence at the hospital and a guard outside Kevin's door. Sonny was more than willing to use two of his guards, one to protect Lulu, Rocco and Charlotte while Dante worked overtime on this case and one to protect Elizabeth, Cameron, Jake and Aiden. Neither of the women objected to the guards which, if Laura was more observant, would have showed her how serious the situation was. Spencer texted her daily and visited her at the hospital but stopped at visiting Kevin's room. Spencer, Lulu, Elizabeth, Mac, all of them attempted to persuade her to leave Kevin even for an hour to get fresh clothes and something to eat, but she couldn't. She told Felicia and Lulu to bring her what she needed from home and Elizabeth often brought her food after her hospital shift. Laura didn't care about the upcoming debate or mayoral race or anything but Kevin. Her life shrunk to these four walls and even more so to the hospital bed where Kevin remained in a coma. She remembered the last time she had done this, had slept on an uncomfortable hospital room couch and sat for days in uncomfortable hospital chairs, when Kevin had stepped in front of a bullet for her to save her life.

She would do it again, stay here, as long as he needed her.

She was numb to all of her emotions but one, the guilt that she hadn't known what was happening and hadn't found the damn papers in her glove compartment fast enough. That her husband had suffered for months in an incompetent facility, force-fed addictive drugs he hadn't needed, while she and Kevin's friends had thought the worst of him.

Kevin had been in the hospital for three weeks and had awoken from his coma sometime during the middle of the second week, just enough for his expressive brown eyes to look directly at Laura before lapsing back into unconsciousness. Elizabeth and a team of highly-skilled doctors were doing their best to safely wean him off the medications Ryan had forced into his system and it was a slow process. Kevin's body had been through so much in the last four months, Elizabeth told her, and even once they were able to release him from the hospital it might be six months or longer until he was completely healed. Elizabeth and the others were worried about Kevin's brain and the potential for long-term damage from the multiple high dosages of psychiatric drugs, damage that could be irreversible. Mac, Robert, and Dante had returned to Ferncliff hours after Kevin was found and raised hellfire on the staff there until they were given unfiltered access to the facility and were able to see the file Kevin had on the Wilson Ritter patient.

There had been an incident at the hospital where Griffin Munro had taken one look at Kevin and refused to treat him and Laura thanked God Mac had been there to stop her from backhanding Griffin across the face, but she knew the damage had been done. Mac was still furious at Maxie's brush with death at Ryan's hand, he'd told her as much and so had Felicia, and there would be others to react the way Griffin had. Ava Jerome had been the first name Laura added to the 'do not admit under any circumstances to Kevin's room' list after that first day post-Christmas when she came to the hospital searching for her boyfriend and refused to believe Laura when she tried to explain about Kevin and Ryan. Mac had called Scott to retrieve her and they hadn't seen her since. Ryan Chamberlain Lives! was the lead story on the news, the city was in a panic, and Felicia whispered to her one afternoon how Mac hadn't wanted her to know this yet but that she thought Laura should, that Mac heard through a confidential source in the police department that the families of Mary Pat Ingles and Jamie Peterson had lawyered up and were considering filing wrongful death lawsuits against Kevin. Mac admitted the truth when she asked him and admitted they could have a legitimate case but that there was so much to consider, so much murky legal waters to wade through, that it wasn't worth worrying about yet until something happened.

"Let's just take everything one step at a time," he had told her as he folded her into his embrace and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head. "There's no point in looking for problems right now, problems can happen all by themselves." Laura looked worriedly through the window of Kevin's hospital room, where Kevin was sleeping and the various monitors beeping were the only solace she had that he was improving. Mac followed her gaze. "Honey, he will wake up," Mac had promised her. Ryan's bullet hadn't done permanent damage to his leg, thank goodness, and between herself and Felicia they were having the worst time convincing him to take it easy. He wouldn't rest when Ryan was still out there and Kevin was in danger, no matter how angry he still was. "He's come this far, he's not going to die. The doctors said it was a miracle he survived Ferncliff and I don't have to be Kevin's best friend to tell you the reason he survived was because he wanted to get back to you."

Laura wasn't convinced. "But what if he does?" she persisted. "What if – what if he dies believing that his wife and his friends lost faith and never looked for him?"

Kevin woke up for good towards the end of the third week but soon infection set in and his recovery was set back even more. He was irritable, cranky, weak and tired but he was _alive_ and out of the hell he'd been in since August and that was all that mattered. Each day that passed he was more alert and less disoriented because of the drugs, and he never allowed Laura to be too far from his sight. She, Mac and Felicia promised each other not to tell Kevin anything of Ryan's murders until he was stronger or until he asked, whichever came first. Which worked for two days, until a nurse that wasn't thinking left the television on in Kevin's room and breaking news had interrupted Wheel of Fortune to report Ryan Chamberlain's crime spree had claimed two more victims. Sasha Gilmore and Peter August had been found strangled to death. Mac texted Laura immediately and told her to come back to the hospital. Laura returned to Mac pacing outside of Kevin's hospital room waiting for her and motioned inside to show Kevin looking despondently out the window.

"He told me to get out and he's been that way for fifteen minutes."

Laura nodded and quietly opened the door to Kevin's hospital room. He didn't move or try to look at her and even from here she could feel the anger and the helplessness that surrounded him. "You left." Kevin's voice wasn't accusatory, wasn't sad, wasn't mad, merely stating the fact that she promised him she'd always be there with him and she wasn't. "Mac and I were playing cards. Is it true what the news reporter said? My brother killed more innocent people?"

"I went to meet with Ned and then with Monica. Dropped out of the mayoral race and took an indefinite leave of absence from the hospital board," she told him softly, taking her usual seat at his side. "And for the few times the last four weeks that I haven't been here, Mac has. Or Felicia or even Lucy. You haven't been alone, Kevin, not once." Laura sighed. "Yes, Ryan killed again. The police have been working non-stop to look for him and I insisted we keep the police outside your door. Mac, Felicia, Lucy, Lulu, Spencer, the grandkids, everyone is being looked out for. Please just concentrate on getting better."

Kevin turned to face her and barely lifted his hand to curl his fingers around hers. "The mayorship and your place on the board. I've messed up that for you, too."

"You haven't messed up anything for me," she told him, bringing his hand to her mouth, pressing a gentle kiss to his knuckles. "The only reason I ran for mayor the first time was because you encouraged me. They probably won't let me run a third time since I keep dropping out but I don't care. You're more important."

He was quiet for a significant time and Laura could see the faintest glimpse of the old Kevin, the one that considered his words carefully before he spoke and not quick-to-anger man he had been since he'd woken up. "I forced Mac to tell me what happened to Maxie. Wish I hadn't done that." Kevin's anguished eyes were filled with sadness and self-loathing. "Mac's my best friend and his daughter almost died because of me. Oscar died saving her. So many people died because of the decisions I made."

Laura made a silent vow to talk to Elizabeth and get the television taken out of Kevin's room and to get him out of Port Charles as soon as possible. Kevin needed help, mental help from a professional that she was already ninety-nine percent certain he wasn't going to be receptive to getting, and he was more in danger from Ryan the longer he stayed here. Kevin couldn't seem to accept that she loved him still and had argued with her for two whole hours yesterday until she had finally admitted yes, she was furious with him for keeping Ryan being alive a secret from all of them and she wasn't sure how they could get past that, but right now her priority was keeping him and everyone they loved safe from Ryan.

He didn't believe her, and she knew it. Another reason why they had to get out of Port Charles.

Lucy came to visit that evening. Laura swallowed her pride and called Kevin's ex-wife because if anyone knew how to reach Kevin about Ryan and stop him from falling deeper into a depression it was Lucy Coe. While Kevin was alert and talking to Lucy, Laura kissed his forehead and promised him she'd be back the next morning once she got some things settled.

And then she started making calls, to Sonny and Carly to offer them everything except Kevin's paychecks to get them to keep Spencer indefinitely while she and Kevin were away. To Mac, to keep him up-to-date on the new plan and to hear him promise her that he and Robert and Dante would make sure everyone stayed safe. To Lulu and Elizabeth, for the sake of preparing the grandchildren for her and Kevin's absence. The rest of the evening was spent with Spencer explaining where he was going to be staying for the next few weeks and Spencer was fine with it all so long as he wasn't forced to stay at Lulu's and spend time with Charlotte. The hours after Spencer went to bed Laura wondered how she was going to convince Kevin this was the best solution.

Somehow, she managed to convince him - it worried her immensely that he hadn't put up much of a fight even though he obviously disagreed with her suggestion - and when Kevin was released from the hospital five days later with a strict dietary and medicinal regimen, he and Laura left town with surprisingly little fanfare. It helped that she had already packed their bags and stored them in Sonny's private jet that waited for them to take them to California. Patrick Drake and Robin Scorpio-Drake were in California and they were two of the best doctors Elizabeth knew, if Kevin needed medical care. There were countless therapists they could choose from. California also had beaches and the ocean, both things that Laura knew Kevin loved and thought might be able to help him more than medicine and therapists could.

Kevin was reluctant at first but Laura had prepared for that and was more than willing to ride out his temper tantrum at the idea of seeing a therapist. It took weeks for her to get him on board and for them to find a therapist that was willing to travel across state lines if he wanted to continue seeking therapy in Port Charles (she ignored the grimaced look on his face the first time she'd suggested that) and even after the two of them found one Kevin approved of he didn't talk much the first couple of sessions. The therapist anticipated such behavior after reading Kevin's file and also the file on Ryan that had been sent over, and advised Laura to be patient and not to push him. She also referred Laura to a therapist in the same building, for herself. Laura needed time and space to talk out her feelings, too.

Kevin had nightmares every night the first week they were in California and refused to allow Laura to be in the same bedroom as him or comfort him in any way. It took days for Kevin to open up to her even after he started opening up to his therapist. Every night he had dreamed about Kiki's murder, about how frightened she must have felt and how confused she must have been her last moments alive. Laura mentally smacked herself for allowing Kevin to read Lulu's articles about Kiki's death and her most recent, more somber one about Oscar's murder. Kevin had gotten to the parts about how Oscar had begged for his life, to be able to see his mom and his dad one more time, to the part about the defensive wounds on Kiki's body and the bruises on Ryan's wrists showing how strong Kiki fought, and had immediately thrown up on the floor. Thankfully they were at home when it happened. Kevin had retreated back to the guest bedroom and not come out for dinner that evening. His therapist put him on a dose of mild anti-depressants and increased their therapy sessions from once a week to twice a week, with an open invitation to call day or night if Kevin needed to talk.

It was slow progress and Kevin was visibly frustrated more days than not, but in time they began to heal, both separately and together. The first time Laura offered him the small pills in her hand Kevin visibly swallowed, shrinking away from her, and it had taken her an embarrassingly long amount of time to realize that he was remembering Ferncliff. But now, Kevin went to his therapy sessions religiously and took his medications on time and without fear. He started to talk to Laura more, open up about Ryan and why he felt compelled to save his brother. Kevin didn't expect her to forgive him for what he had put her through even if it was with the best of intentions. The fact Kevin kept a secret as big as this and put all of them in this situation in the first place, not to mention how cold and unfeeling Ryan had been to her when he was pretending to be Kevin, had strained their marriage to the point where they both knew they needed therapy together if they wanted to fix what they both, in different ways, had broken.

Since coming to California Kevin and Laura hadn't spoken about their marriage outside of their individual therapy sessions. He hadn't asked her about her engagement ring and her wedding ring. Ryan told him that they were divorced. He had been so gleeful when he told Kevin how Laura cried and begged him not to leave her, but he'd pushed a quick divorce through the system. That was one of the few things imprinted into Kevin's brain from his Ferncliff stay. He would forever be grateful to her for getting him out of Ferncliff and helping him get back to himself but if she wanted to divorce him legally when they got back to Port Charles he wouldn't stop her. He'd give her whatever she wanted, anything that would make her happy. He'd hurt her and failed her enough.

Both Kevin's therapist and Laura's therapist advised them to concentrate and focus on healing, to talk to each other about what they were feeling, to address any concerns and traumas as they came, and to take their relationship, such as it was now, step-by-step. Kevin had admitted to himself and to Laura that he needed to be close to her at night, that was the one thing that helped him when the nightmares happened and refused to let him sleep. He was no longer dreaming of Kiki and Oscar's murders but now the memories of Ferncliff were rearing their ugly head. Sometimes even twice in the same night Kevin woke up either screaming or yelling for someone to stop and Laura didn't know which one of the nightmares broke her heart more. Aside from being physically close to him at night and holding him as he tried to fall asleep every night, because he refused to take sleeping pills, he wouldn't let her help him. The one and only time she asked, the tortured look in his eyes when he told her he refused to sully her mind with what had happened to him in that place, it took her breath away and not in a good way. He held her hand the few times they left the house on errands or to places that weren't therapy and there were some times she caught him looking at her with so much longing it made her want to cry. It was six weeks of this walking-on-eggshells way of life when after a particularly brutal therapy session - she'd long since figured out when he had an emotionally draining day in therapy because he looked out the window instead of at her on the drive home - he followed her into the beach house and pressed her against the door and kissed her, telling her he knew he didn't deserve it and he would work forever to try to be the husband she had once and deserved again, but he wanted to try if she did.

That day was the start of their new beginning. Kevin had taken her to the couch and traced her wedding ring with his fingers, forcing himself to look at his wife as he haltingly started to tell her about the worst days in Ferncliff, the days he was kept semi-lucid and how he learned those days were the times Ryan came to see him. To **taunt** him about the fact that to the world Laura was **his **wife, his wife to love and to cherish and to honor, all those vows Kevin promised her in the church that day, and how she was more importantly his wife to sleep with anytime he wanted whether _she_ wanted to or not and Kevin wouldn't be able to do a damned thing about it. He told her about the dreams he'd had of her when he slept, how he prayed that she would be safe, and how the dreams had been so real that he could have sworn she had been there beside him, but every time he woke up he'd been in Ferncliff alone and she was gone. Her hand wiped the tear from his cheek as he blinked and whispered that the memories of her and their life together and the life they could still have were the only things that kept him alive. Kevin made no move to wipe away the remaining tears that fell and murmured that no matter how their relationship worked out in the end he wanted to thank her for saving him.

That day was also the first time since the early dark days in the hospital that Laura broke down and allowed herself to cry in front of him, apologizing over and over again that she hadn't cleaned out her car like he always told her to and that she hadn't discovered those papers sooner and they hadn't found him sooner.

In time the nightmares stopped. The lines of communication were open in ways they hadn't been in months and even the therapist noticed a difference in the way Kevin responded to their discussions. Kevin was the one to suggest marriage counseling for him and Laura and she was happy to recommend someone. His moodiness and irritability, side effects of the antidepressants, mellowed out. Laura was at his side for everything and celebrate each accomplishment Kevin made, no matter how small. The first time Kevin asked Laura to hand over the phone when she was finished talking to Lulu. The first time he talked about going back to Port Charles to spend time with the grandchildren. The first time he mentioned calling Monica about whether or not he had a job to come back to. They talked to each other about the hard things Kevin was discovering about himself, how he felt responsible for Ryan becoming what he eventually became and allowed that survivors guilt from a four-year-old little boy to consume him to a point where it wasn't healthy. Mostly though, they talked about how much it slowly destroyed him a little more every day how the one person he couldn't save was his twin brother. They had movie dates every week in the living room when he would put his arm around her and hold her close against his side. She'd snuggle up against him like she always did when they were close like this. It helped, little by little.

Elizabeth and the three boys came the week of Spring Break, Elizabeth immediately pulling her aside and telling her the excuse Lulu had given her and Kevin for not coming was a lie. Charlotte's behavior wasn't getting better and Lulu had hit the roof when she learned Valentin and Nina met with Ms. Tait to discuss the issue without notifying her and even more so when Ms. Tait admitted that hadn't been the first time. Valentin hadn't allowed Lulu to leave the state with Charlotte even though Spring Break was her week despite the fact Valentin had taken Charlotte out of the country on his week without Lulu's permission. Lulu had appointments with lawyers every day that week and she hadn't wanted to worry Laura and Kevin. Laura thanked Elizabeth profusely for telling her and made a mental note that she and Kevin would call Lulu that night. And later that first day when she saw how Kevin talked to Aiden privately for a long time and then spend a good chunk of time throwing the football with Cameron and Jake it did more than give her hope. She knew that in the end, everything would be alright and they would be a close family again. The six of them spent most of their days on the beach that week.

From the beginning of their time in California Mac called Kevin once a week. Kevin never volunteered what the phone calls were about and Laura never asked but Kevin always seemed in a better mood after Mac called. She remembered how happy Kevin sounded when Mac told him he forgave him.

"Kevin?" Laura murmured his name quietly. He hadn't said more than two words since the plane ascended to the clouds and for that, she decided not to mention how he shouldn't be drinking alcohol with the medications he was still on and would be for a few months' time. He knew as much and she knew how hard it was to come back home after Ryan had been captured. They had been in California for five months when Mac called to tell them to come home, there were situations that needed their attention. Lulu was one, of course. Mac and Felicia had taken in Spencer for a few weeks and Mac told Kevin during one of their phone calls that never again would he complain about raising only girls. There was a new situation with Ava Jerome that required them to be in Port Charles. Mac wouldn't tell them what the third situation was.

Mac was right that Kevin needed to face these situations head-on and start the process of reclaiming his life, starting with his job - Kevin and Monica Quartermaine had spoken by phone more than once in the previous days and Monica said she would be more than thrilled to have him back if Kevin so chose. Kevin wasn't as confident as Mac and Laura but he knew he was strong enough to do anything, now, as long as he had his friends and most importantly Laura at his side.

"We're going straight home when we land. You don't have to see anyone you don't want to, not yet. We talked about this and you worked out coping strategies with your therapist."

He tipped his beer bottle in her direction. "Good point." He peeled back the label of the bottle, folded it in a little square and pushed it around between his fingers. There were only a few more hours until he would be back in Port Charles where his brother Ryan Chamberlain had done so much damage. The brother that he had let loose, with little regard for the safety of his wife or his loved ones or his friends or his colleagues, not until it was too late. Laura was there, had been there every step of the way, had been there after every nightmare and every therapy session, and she still loved him even though some days he wasn't sure why she did, but she had a life of her own and had to help Lulu navigate what was to come and couldn't be with him every moment of the day like she had been for the past five months. He would have to start living again as a productive member of society without her as his bodyguard slash protector and he knew for a fact that no matter what Mac and Laura weren't telling him there were still so many people in Port Charles that hated him for good reason.

There were moments - they weren't as frequent as they used to be but they were still there, waiting to strike when he didn't expect it - when he still hated himself. That little fact wasn't something he brought up in therapy, not anymore, and he'd be damned if Laura found out he felt that way. She worried too much about him as it was. So when they were home again with Spencer, and Kevin had his job back, he would take Laura out to dinner outside the city and tell her how much he loved her and appreciated her, make sure she knew how much it meant to him that he had her support. And maybe that would be enough to keep his private demons at bay.

He set down the beer bottle and brought Laura's hand to his mouth, kissing it softly. She rested her head on his shoulder. "Alexis called me this morning to see how you were doing," she murmured quietly. "She's not angry at you, Kevin. Molly was released from the hospital last month and Alexis says she's doing as well as can be expected."

Kevin withdrew his hand from Laura's and picked up his beer bottle. Molly Lansing-Davis was Ryan's seventh victim, his last before being captured. He and Laura fought bitterly about it but he had won and demanded Laura tell him the tale. How TJ had gotten the spot in the shadow program that opened because of Kiki's death and how Molly was meeting him at the hospital that day so they could leave for their date right after TJ's shift ended. How Ryan was looking for Lulu or Elizabeth, just to twist the knife that much more into Kevin, but found Molly instead. How Molly knew Kevin was out of town and knew immediately that something was wrong and had started to run but Ryan had caught up to her. Molly was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time and it was only by the grace of God that TJ had followed the blood trail from the men's locker room to the hallway and that the knife slice across Molly's throat hadn't been fatal.

Laura had hesitated before telling him the rest of the story that day. Molly lived, but Ryan had been so forceful with her, so careless in his attack, that one of his knife wounds had punctured her spine. She'd never walk again.

"As well as she can be expected to be after being paralyzed from the waist down. Because of me." Kevin didn't speak again until the plane touched down in Port Charles.


End file.
